Akatsuki Goes to WalMart Super Center
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Well, the title pretty much speaks for itself. One can only imagine what Akatsuki may do at a WalMart Super Center...rated for language R&R Enjoy and be ready to laugh...alot!
1. Chapter 1 To WalMart!

Akatsuki Goes to Wal-Mart Super Center

Hey all! Thanx for reading my Akatsuki stories! I hope you like this one. It's gonna be full of chaos! Enjoy AkiraDawn

I don't own Naruto or it's characters or it's realated things.

Some background…Well, after having read about Wal-Mart's grand opening of their super center in the paper, Sasori, Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Deidara, Hidan and Kakuzu thought it was only necessary that they get in the middle of all the hot grand opening action (besides, Kisame wanted to go for the free popcorn and the kayak raffle). It was Zetsu's job to get a list of things that the leader needed as well as their own list. The Leader's list read as follows:

Cooking oil

Notebook paper

A bag of potato chips (the kind with ripples)

2 oranges

Axe body wash

Tic Tacs

Now, the list for the Akatsuki apartment read as follows:

Chicken

Fabric softener

Head of lettuce

Onions

Paper towels

Bread

Doughnuts

Cereal

Raspberry Chocolate swirl ice cream

Yes it sounds simple, I know. One would think that getting these items would be a relatively simple task. Let's just say it's a good thing the Wal-Mart Super Center is open 24 hours…

"Why are you wearing my Tommy Hilfiger shirt and matching pants, yeah?" Deidara demanded of Itachi.

"Man, we're going to Wal-Mart I have to look good…even though I hate super centers…all super centers!"

"Zetsu, do you have the list?" Sasori asked.

"Got it!"

"Kakuzu! I'm going to fucking kill you! How many times do I have to tell you don't bother me when I pray! Oh my god! You're so stupid! Oh hey guys are we ready to leave?" Yes, this was Hidan talking.

"It's obvious we're ready to leave they're waiting for you to quit bitching at me!" Kakuzu said. Hidan rolled his eyes and then….it was off to Wal-Mart in 'the leader's' mini-van. Reluctantly…Zetsu let Itachi do the driving. He always drove too fast and had a tendency to have a bit of road rage…

They piled into the van and were off to Wal-Mart, Itachi was at the red light in the turn lane to the main entrance. "See, this is what I fucking hate about super centers. You wait in the damn traffic and you have to wait to turn, then you have to look for a fucking parking spot and it's always 5 miles away from the entrance!" After Itachi had his moment, the light turned green and he floored it through the light and into the parking lot. He screamed some more at some cars and pedestrians in the parking lot before finally parking a good distance away form the entrance.

"Oh my god! They have a photo center, a pharmacy, tire rotation, a salon and a day care!" Hidan said getting out of the van. Zetsu and Sasori were in awe of the all inclusive location.

"I bet they have an ATM with 24-hour banking in there!" Zetsu said. And so the seven headed for the main doors.

"Hello! How are you today!" The cheerful senior-citizen asked Hidan. Hidan's eye twitched a little.

"I'm…doing okay…" he turned around to Kakuzu. "He asked me how I was doing!" he whispered loud enough for everyone around him to hear. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. A little girl looked at Zetsu and ran away screaming and crying while an elderly woman poked Kisame…it wasn't everyday that plant man and shark boy came out to Wal-Mart. It was Sasori's job to get the buggy. Once past the door greeters they all looked around as if they had never seen a super center before.

"These prices…they are being rolled back as we speak…" Sasori said.

"Alright, let's start with 'the leader's' list." Itachi said.

"Cooking oil, Kisame you get that, notebook paper, Itachi that's you. Rippled potato chips I'll get those, 2 oranges, Hidan you do that, Axe body wash Kakuzu you're on it and Deidara get the Tic Tacs. And so, everyone separated to get the things on 'the leaders' shopping list. However, sometimes certain Akatsuki members became sidetracked when shopping for items on a list…we'll see how that goes…


	2. Chapter 2 The Shopping Begins

Hey everybody! I'm so glad you all like my stories. I hope they make you laugh when you need a good laugh and I hope everyone's enjoying all the mayhem! Much Love AkiraDawn

In the baking aisle, Kisame was pondering the cooking oil. There were several sizes of plastic containers of cooking oil. There were giant sizes, smaller value sizes, cooking oil with Spanish instructions for use, English instructions for use, funny there were no containers marked with Japanese instructions… Kisame examined all the cooking oil options.

"Whoa!" an older woman standing beside Kisame.

"Yes, my skin is blue, I get that a lot." Kisame said to her.

"No, it's not that. You're nail polish is just so perfectly shiny!" she commented.

"Oh thanks, Chanel." Kisame answered blushing. He explained to the woman that he was looking for cooking oil for his leader.

"Does this…leader…fry a lot?" the woman asked.

"Well…not really, he's more of a sauté kind of man." Kisame said. 13 questions later the woman chose the appropriate cooking oil for Kisame. Thrilled with his decision, he hurried off to meet Itachi in notebook paper.

"Damn it! Wide-ruled, college ruled, loose leaf, spiral bound. Damn him! I hate super centers!" Itachi whined. It was only a few moments later that a gorgeous onyx haired female joined him in the notebook paper isle. Itachi was no longer looking at notebook paper…

"Hi, I'm Itachi." He said to her.

"Um…hi….can I ask you something?" She bit her lip.

"Yes, I'm single." Itachi said winking.

"Oh, okay. Well that's nice, but can you help me pick out notebook paper?" she asked. Itachi was thrilled.

"I'm good at this." Itachi said walking over beside her. Now, it should be made known that Kisame had gotten sidetracked on his way to the school/office supplies where Itachi was. He had somehow gotten himself into the magazine and book section and he was like a small child in a toy store. He had stacked up at least 25 magazines in his arms with the cooking oil on top. Some of his title selections included 'In Style', 'Modern Bride (he liked the reception ideas)', 'Us', 'O (Oprah's magazine', 'Newsweek', and 'Seventeen'. He had gotten into a fight with a man over the last copy of National Geographic (It was the ocean life issue) and his shouting had caused an infant to cry and a mother to curse at him for making her infant cry. Now, he was on his way to notebook paper.

"Itachi! You're supposed to be choosing notebook paper! You can't make-out in Wal-Mart!" Kisame yelled over his stack of magazines.

"Okay, so you have my number, call me you can come to one of our parties!" Itachi said as the girl left him and Kisame alone. Itachi scowled at Kisame and grabbed the first stack of notebook paper he could get a hold of. Kisame and Itachi were off to find Zetsu who was looking for rippled potato chips and who also had the buggy at this point. However, they didn't make it to the chips aisle at all. They heard a scream coming from the shampoo/personal hygiene aisle…other customers didn't appreciate the screaming.

"Itachi! Itachi, come here, yeah!" Itachi had never seen Deidara's eyes light up this much.

"Itachi! Look! Look, yeah! Shampoo….FOR BLONDES! By John Frieda Salons, yeah!" Deidara was shaking with excitement. "See, see…look Itachi it says here: 'brightens, lightens, and excites even the dullest blondes providing the shiniest shine yet, yeah." Deidara was indeed shining now.

"It's going to take much more than shampoo to brighten that blonde…" Kisame whispered to Itachi. Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Deidara…" he paused when he caught sight of the shampoo designed specifically for dark hair. He shoved a woman out of the way.

"Deidara! Shampoo for dark hair, oh my god!" Now they were both screaming. "Deidara…I'm getting a little too excited…look…the prices they're even rolled back to save you more!" And so Itachi made Kisame hold the notebook paper, the magazine and the cooking oil while he and Deidara raided the hair care products and we're not talking just shampoo….shampoo, conditioner, anti-frizz serum, comb in conditioner, volumizer spray, split-end treatment…

Zetsu had decided on the giant 'econo bag' of ripples potato chips (the bags that say super size on them) however, he was second guessing whether or not 'the leader' wanted plain potato ships or one of the 'flavors'. Itachi, Deidara, and Kisame appeared with magazines, hair care products, and the stuff on the 'leader's list'. It was only now that Deidara remembered that he never got the Tic Tacs and so off he went again.

"Sorry, Zetsu we got sidetracked." Kisame said. He didn't seem to care because he had gotten sidetracked himself. In the buggy already he had a sheet cake that had been 'rolled back' to 7 dollars and at least 12 pair of socks, 4 pair of boxers, celery, trash bags.

"God I had forgotten how much ass Wal-Mart kicked. Except when I was in the socks and underwear section I kind of knocked over a display case…is that bad?" Zetsu asked.

"Did anyone see it?" Itachi asked.

"It fell on some guy." Zetsu said.

"Well, if anyone asks….Orochimaru did it." Itachi said. Zetsu felt relieved. It was time to check on Hidan and the oranges…


	3. Chapter 3 Oranges and Tic Tacs

Fortunately for Hidan, he thought the fact that Wal-Mart was playing various country music selections was wonderful. He enjoyed shopping for oranges and listening to Keith Urban. The oranges were brilliantly stacked in a pyramid. There were naval oranges, tangelo oranges and well, what Hidan would call normal oranges. He decided that the best way to determine what 2 oranges to pick for 'the leader' would be to pray about it. And so Hidan absorbed himself in prayer over the oranges. However, Hidan wasn't in prayer long because a mother with 3 children in a buggy talking on a cell phone ran into him…he was less than thrilled. Hidan had an orange in his hand and he squeezed it until it oozed all over him.

He spun around; face enraged and glared angrily at the woman. "Are you not even watching where the hell you're going? Are you too busy with your cell phone calls to watch where the hell you're pushing your damn cart! God! I mean you have kids are they preoccupying you so you don't know where you're going? God!" Hidan yelled. The woman apologized at least 20 times but that wasn't good enough for Hidan. He continued to yell at her, only to turn redder and redder in the face. "Oh my god! I swear! People like you shouldn't shop here!" Hidan continued yelling and reached around behind him to grab two oranges, unfortunately he reached in all the wrong places and the oranges came tumbling down everywhere. This only made Hidan even angrier.

"Hidan! Hidan! You have got to smell this Axe body wash I mean it's completely…whoa! What happened to you? There are oranges everywhere and that woman is totally freaking out." Kakuzu said looking at the oranges that were still rolling in all directions.

"Shut up…Kakuzu….just shut up…." Hidan said gritting his teeth. We'll check back in with him later.

I the hard candy aisle, Deidara was having a near nervous breakdown and not because of the Tic Tacs…well partially because of the Tic Tacs. See, here's what had happened in the candy aisle: Deidara was trying to decide between the value pack of Tic Tacs (which had 6 individual plastic boxes of Tic Tacs per box) and the individual plastic box of Tic Tacs when an incredibly beautiful blonde female decided she absolutely had to ask Deidara if she could touch his hair…Itachi's answer in this situation would have been 'you can touch anything you want'. Now, Deidara was getting ready to answer he when six customers driving those motorized scooter shopping cart thingys invaded the candy aisle because there was a rollback on after dinner mints, then at least 15 more people flooded the same aisle in order to take advantage of the rollback on Strawberry Pocky; then two Wal-Mart employees hurried to the aisle with ladders to get to the top shelves in order to pull down some more after dinner mints and to restock. All of this rush to the candy aisle for the savings caused this chain reaction: Scooter guy runs over blonde girl, blonde girl falls into Deidara, Deidara falls under ladder and gets wedged between the Blow-Pops, the gummi bears, and the chocolate covered raisins. So here he was…no Tic Tacs and a beautiful blonde straddling him…not that this was terribly unusual…but this was definitely a problem….where was his danna when he needed him?

"You know what I hate?" Sasori said to Kisame.

"No, what?" Kisame asked.

"Well, it says super absorbent paper towels but the last time there was a major spill I used these paper towels and they were most definitely not super absorbent." Sasori was working on the list that the seven of them had brought. "Screw it! I'm getting paper towels with the normal level of absorption!" Sasori said throwing nine rolls of paper towels into the buggy (which was already overflowing with groceries and other stuff from where everyone had been getting sidetracked). So there were the magazine, the endless hair care products, the socks and the underwear, all of the leader's things (minus the Tic Tacs), somewhere along the lines, Zetsu had picked up a 20 pound turkey, paper plates and 3 twelve packs of beer. But then Kakuzu decided that wasn't enough beer and so he got 6 more 12 packs, 7 boxed macaroni and cheese dinners and here came Itachi…oh god….

Zetsu and Sasori looked at Itachi and then looked at what he had just carried through at least half the store. Kisame had run of to enter the raffle for the Kayak…Hidan and Kakuzu were now fighting in the oranges, and Deidara…well it was hard to tell with him… So Zetsu and Sasori looked at Itachi and then glanced down, looked at Itachi and glanced down again. This pattern continued for some time.

"Itachi….there are 90 condoms in that box!" Sasori said.

"Yeah, and you know they can't call it family size…so what's a box that big called?" Zetsu asked.

"Okay, look…it's not a family size, it's called a bonus pack and these are the ultra thins…which are also ultra hard to find…and yes there are 90…but there are 2 of us that get laid all the time, one of us that will get laid sometimes (Hidan) and one more of us that gets laid occasionally when he's not a puppet! Now you try to tell me that the bonus pack isn't a smart financial decision!" Itachi put his hand on his hip and glared…he only did that when he was doing that 'I dare you to challenge me' drama routine. Neither Sasori not Zetsu said anything…instead they were off to the frozen vegetables…


	4. Chapter 4CleanUp and Kabuto

"Oh my god! This is really not the best situation for me to be in, yeah!" Deidara was in a state of panic. Now, the piñatas that hung above the candy aisle had been knocked out of the ceiling by the employees on the ladders and now they were showering down on everyone in the aisle. Not to mention, Deidara was starting to sweat because this girl that was straddling him was now more or less wrapped around his hip since she was watching piñatas fall out of the ceiling.

"The Tic Tacs! I just need the Tic Tacs, yeah!" Deidara said.

"Hey, you know what, maybe you and I could move sideways slowly and get to the Tic Tacs…by the way you have the softest hair." The girl said.

"Oh thanks!" Deidara said, glowing with pride over his soft hair. And so they began inching their way out from under the ladder and behind one of the shoppers with the scooter/cart thingy.

"God, you have a really nice body." The girl said, for whatever reason she hadn't yet let go of Deidara (probably because she was still being wedged into him by another scooter shopper). Deidara smiled again.

"Thanks, hey you know what, yeah! You could come over this weekend and I could take my shirt off for you, yeah!" Deidara thought this was a wonderful idea…and apparently so did the other blonde. Finally, Deidara reached the green plastic box of Tic Tacs and got her phone number. He escaped the aisle and rescued the blonde while he was at it. And off he scrambled to the frozen vegetables…but not until seeing the employees fall off their ladders into the piñatas…Deidara would take no blame for this…

In the frozen foods aisle, Itachi wasn't watching where he was pushing the cart and suddenly there was a clang.

"Itachi!"

"Kabuto!" And they both glared at each other.

"I see you came to the grand opening…I didn't know they let people like you in here." Kabuto said.

"Oh what the hell ever! You're one to talk! At least I'm sexy!" Itachi bitched at him.

"You know, I'm pretty sexy too." Kabuto said.

"Right, whatever, maybe when you're screaming Orochimaru's name in the shower you're sexy." Itachi hissed very proud of himself for that one.

"You….bitch! We kissed on a dare!" Kabuto tried to defend himself (except he was blushing).

"Well, you must be Orochimaru's bitch today. Are those Great Value frozen carrots I see in your cart?" Itachi challenged, but before Kabuto could answer Zetsu appeared with 37 frozen entrees and Deidara had gotten carried away in the frozen ice cream novelties aisle and he had Popsicles of every size and flavor stacked into the air with the tiny box of Tic Tacs sitting on the top of the pile.

"Itachi! Itachi, look, yeah! Popsicles!" Deidara called to him. However, Deidara wasn't watching where he was going and so he tripped over Zetsu spilling the boxes of Popsicles and then Zetsu dropped all the entrees and everything landed all over Kabuto…he looked strange with a purple Popsicle sticking in his white hair (yes, somehow it came out of the wrapper…don't ask).

"Kabuto! Are you insane, yeah. Those carrots are julienned and you should get the ones that are sliced in the little round circles, yeah!" Deidara insisted looking at the gooey Kabuto. "Oh, and I'll go get more Popsicles, yeah." But Itachi grabbed Deidara by the neck.

"You're…not…going…ANYWHERE!" Itachi yelled at him. Kisame came running into the frozen foods.

"Hey guys! They're going to raffle the kayak in 25 minutes! Can we stay? I reeeeaally want to win the Kayak...it comes with an oar! And it's a two person kayak. Damn Kabuto, what happened to you?" Kisame said picking up the boxes of Popsicles and the frozen entrees. Zetsu and Deidara were having fun laughing at Kabuto. Hidan (who had finally calmed down) and Kakuzu appeared with their items for 'the leader' while Sasori showed up carrying most everything on the list that the seven of them had compiled. It was then that the intercom in Wal-Mart came on: "clean-up in produce…clean up in produce." It clicked off and then came on immediately again "clean-up in frozen foods….clean-up in frozen foods." There was a pause and the intercom came on again "Would the owner of a Chrysler Town and Country blue mini van license plate AKTSUKI please move your vehicle…you're double parked."

"Damn it!" Itachi yelled.

"Itachi you have to move the van, we have to be here for 25 more minutes! The raffle!" Kisame begged. So, Itachi took a dramatic spell and went to move the van. Kisame, Sasori and Zetsu went to take advantage of the free popcorn while Deidara, Hidan and Kakuzu finished up their shopping list…it's a wonder they weren't kicked out of Wal-Mart at this point…


	5. Chapter 5 The Raffle

"Sometimes, Danna and Itachi get mad at me because I sit down with the Raspberry chocolate swirl ice cream and watch movies, yeah. They get mad because sometimes I end up eating most of the half gallon, yeah and when I watch a move with a girl it's even worse, yeah." Deidara said stocking up on the Raspberry ice cream. "Kisame cries every time we watch Jaws, yeah." Deidara said.

"Hmmm...I've never tried this flavor because that dumb ass is lactose intolerant and so we never had any ice cream in our place!" Hidan said shooting daggers at Kakuzu.

"Oh! You'll love this flavor, yeah! And the best movie to eat this flavor with is Pirates of the Caribbean, yeah." Deidara said. Hidan didn't quite understand this but he shrugged his shoulders and went along with it.

While Deidara, Hidan and Kakuzu gathered up the reminder of the list, Zetsu, Kisame and Sasori were waiting anxiously at the table where Kisame had entered the raffle and where the free popcorn was located. Kisame brought Sasori a huge tub of popcorn. However, Kisame noticed Zetsu acting a little strange…he was looking intently at the man in front of him.

"Oh shit…Sasori, you don't think?" Kisame said as he and Sasori devoured the popcorn.

"Shit…I do think…" Sasori said.

"No! No, no no! No Zetsu!" Kisame yelled at him.

"No Zetsu not here!" Sasori threw his hands up in the air and sent the popcorn flying in the air. A few moments later Kisame, Sasori, Zetsu and the people around them were being showered in buttery goodness.

"Zetsu! You dumb ass!" Sasori yelled tugging on Zetsu. Here's what had happened: Zetsu had the uncontrollable urge to engulf someone in the plant lice enclosure around him; he decided to do this to the man in front of him….Now the man was screaming because Zetsu was closing in around him.

"Zeeeetsuuuuu!" Sasori yelled as he tugged and tugged on his waist. Kisame grabbed onto Sasori to help pull Zetsu off the man in front of him.

"And now, it's time to announce the winner of our kayak give away." The bubbly Wal-Mart employee announced. "Our winner of the 2 person kayak and oar is….Hoshigaki Kisame!" Upon hearing his name Kisame let go of Sasori and climbed over everyone frantically to claim his prize. Due to the fact that Kisame was pulling backwards on Sasori so hard, the sudden release cause Sasori to slam into Zetsu and Zetsu 'spit out' the man in front of him. The man ran off screaming while Sasori cursed and screamed at Zetsu for engulfing people in Wal-Mart.

"Sasori! Zetsu! Look! I won the kayak!" Kisame said from up in front of the crowd, although the crowd was quickly dispersing after they had heard the winner announced. Zetsu and Sasori waved up at Kisame, proud that he had won the giant 8 foot kayak…they wondered how they would get it back to the apartment and what they would do once they got it back.

"Oh my god! We can use this in the pool, Sasori!" Kisame said making his way back through the people, knocking all of them in the stomach with the large kayak.

"That is such a great idea!" Zetsu said, even though he was disappointed he couldn't engulf that guy that ran off. Kisame, Sasori, and Zetsu went for more free popcorn before going to find the rest of the group.

"So, Deidara we've gotten everything on the list except cereal, what kind do you think we should get?" Hidan asked.

"Hidan, that's easy we should get Cap'n Crunch." Hidan began to boil.

"Kakuzu! Did I ask you? Huh? Did I? No! I didn't! Now, shut the fuck up I bet Deidara hates fucking Cap'n Crunch! And besides there are never any free prizes in Cap'n Crunch! God Kakuzu! You are such a pain in the ass!" Hidan exploded.

"You know Hidan, you are soooooo obnoxious! You probably want Holy O's or Prayer Puffs! Well, you know what they don't' make religiously based cereals! God Hidan! Don't diss my Cap'n Crunch!" Hidan screamed.

"Take…that…back! Oh, you are so dead!" Hidan began pounding on Kakuzu for the second time that day in Wal-Mart. Deidara wasn't certain how to handle this so he bit his lower lip and just watched. Then he made a decision.

"You know, me and Itachi really like Luck Charms…soooo…yeah. We'll get Lucky Charms, yeah. We like the marshmallows, yeah." Deidara wasn't certain that they heard him, but he chose the giant family size box of Lucky Charms. Now, it was time to let these two fight it out, find everyone else, and check out….


	6. Chapter 6 CheckOut Time

"Let's use the self checkout, yeah!" Deidara declared enthusiastically as everyone reunited and the kayak was admired. For whatever reason, the six others thought it would be a good idea to use the self checkout…even though they had at least 38763058367254956 items in the cart.

"Here, I'll do it." Sasori said, knowing that Deidara was not capable of scanning everything."

"Oh! Danna I'll help you, yeah." Deidara pleaded with hopeful eyes. Sasori gave in to him, who could resist him when he begged for anything…

"Okay, Danna we have to look for the barcode, yeah." Deidara said rolling one of the oranges around to find a bar code. Sasori had already scanned three items. He sighed.

"Deidara, there isn't a bar code on the damn orange! We have to weigh that as produce at the end of our bill." Sasori said. Deidara didn't notice that Hidan and Zetsu were handing him items to scan while Deidara searched for the bar code on the notebook paper.

"Danna! Danna! Here it is, yeah!" Deidara proclaimed scanning the notebook paper. Sasori had now scanned 10 items in the amount of time Deidara scanned one.

"Oh my god! Deidara you are such an idiot! Here let me scan!" Itachi threw Deidara out of the way; he and Kisame were instructed to take the kayak to the van. Naturally, Kisame and Deidara didn't think about going around the crowd of people in the checkout line in order to reach the exit…they went through them…knocking several people in the head with the kayak…it was a good thing Deidara was pretty. There was something about 'I'm sorry yeah,' when it accompanied those baby blues…well…blue…

Meanwhile, in the self-checkout the line was backed up into the aisles because the Akatsukis had way too much crap and should have let one of the employees do the scanning. People behind them were yelling which set Hidan off into a fit of rage so he tried to remedy the situation by praying…it didn't work.

"Okay, Itachi our total bill is $567.72. What card are we using?" Sasori asked. Itachi started digging through pockets. He handed his wallet to Sasori.

"Pick one." He told him. Sasori shoved all Itachi's phone numbers aside and pulled out a stack of cards, 2 cards were 'the leader's' they couldn't use those because they were currently maxed out. Sasori gasped.

"I knew it!" Sasori looked at Itachi with disappointment.

"What?" he asked.

"You and Deidara have a joint credit account at Express Men's!"

"That's no secret, we applied for that a long time ago…got 20 off our first purchase." Itachi said. Sasori sighed.

"It's not that. I don't' have a joint account with anyone. I've put up with his ass for a long time and he and I don't have joint accounts."

"You two had that American Express account but you closed it because Deidara kept trying to use it as a debit card." Itachi said. Now, the line was even longer and Hidan was in a shouting match with someone behind him. Zetsu was reading the tabloids nearby and Kakusu…well…he was trying to stay away from Hidan.

"You're right." Sasori said. He kept flipping through cards

"Itachi…why…why a Victoria's Secret card? Please tell me you're not hiding something from us." Sasori looked worried.

"Hey! It wasn't my idea!" Itachi smirked. "But, believe me, Deidara justified it _really_ well. I mean it was like the most intelligent thing I have ever heard him say." Sasori gasped.

"Oooh! I know why you have this! That explains the black lace…"

"Shhhh…Deidara still doesn't know I slept with that girl…I told him I wouldn't." Sasori kept sorting through the stack.

"Okay, we can't use this Visa we're really close to the limit. Kisame went wild that one day in Pottery Barn…now we have matching in-tables and $1000 dollars debt to show for it." Sasori said sarcastically.

Meanwhile, out at the van…

"Oh my god! Kisame, yeah!" Did you know this van had an alarm, yeah?" The van's factory installed 'anti-theft' alarm system was blaring.

"No! I didn't! What should we do?" Kisame yelled. Deidara thought a moment, the alarm was still blaring, the lights were flashing and they were getting the looks. It wasn't every day that a blue shark-like man and a blonde tried to squeeze an 8 foot Kayak into a locked mini-van.

"Hey! Let's use the keys, yeah." Deidara said pulling the keys to the van with the 'Virginia Beach' key chain out of his pocket.

"Deidara! You had the keys to the van the whole time we've been trying to break in?" Kisame yelled over the alarm.

"Well…yeah." Deidara said using the keyless entry to deactivate the alarm. Kisame looked at him blinking.

"So….why didn't we just use the keys in the first place. Then we wouldn't have had to try and break in, we wouldn't have set the alarm off, and parking lot security wouldn't be coming over here right now." Kisame said.

At the check out lane, Sasori and Itachi had eliminated 16 different credit cards because they were either maxed or they weren't accepted at Wal-Mart.

"Okay, let's use the Mastercard; I know that one is fine." Itachi said not noticing that Hidan was trying to strangle a customer, and Zetsu and Kakuzu were eating grapes out of another customer's cart.

"Alright, it's right…" Itachi stopped and looked at the empty slot where the Mastercard should have been. "Damn it! Damn it, Damn it!" Itachi was not happy. "I gave it to Deidara before we came here today."

Trip to Wal-Mart: $567.72

Shopping with The Akatsukis: Priceless

"What have we learned Itachi… Don't give the cards away and then send Deidara on errands!" Itachi scolded himself.

"Well, I believe that it's your van since your license plate matches the registration records." The officer said. "Have a nice day." The officer left and Kisame and Deidara finally had squeezed the kayak into the minivan. Twenty minutes later it was discovered that Zetsu had a Mastercard and so they FINALLY paid for everything and left before Hidan killed anyone.

"Itachi, I have to sit in your lap, yeah. Kisame needs space in the back and you and I are the only ones small enough to fit in the same seat, yeah." Itachi rolled his eyes but nonetheless, everyone piled haphazardly…kayak and all into the van...the leader would be glad to get his things…

Hope you liked it! Look for my next story: Akatsuki Yard Sale. Thanx for reading and thanx for your reviews! Much Love AkiraDawn


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